Monday, October 8, 2012

We all have a different story

I am constantly amazed by comments from people who deem me too young to even think about the idea of engagement, marriage and having children.

Friday was a work team building day. In the evening, the day was finished off with a dinner at a Spanish Tapas restaurant. With a couple of Sangrias under most peoples belts, the conversation turned to our partners and relationships. I said I had been with Steve 5 years and one of the (single) guys asked me how that was going. Fine, I said. We get along well and we enjoy each others company. 

I don't believe you, he said. Well why not? Because every relationship has problems, I bet he can be an asshole.

Yes, every relationship has problems; but no - he is not an asshole. 

The conversation went on with him basically trying to convince me that Steve probably did have 'asshole moments' and that I just couldn't see it. Basically telling me I was too young to realise.

A female colleague, over the age of 30 (age will be relevant in this story) decided to join the conversation. She told us that I was young and I hadn't experienced a relationship properly. She said 'wait until you are 30, your story will change'.

Which led me to the question - How is my 5 year relationship (at 23 years of age) any different to a 5 year relationship at 33 years of age.

Well apparently, at 23 years of age, I haven't experienced enough. Apparently, since Steve is my first love I have no idea.

Why do people think they can weigh in on my relationship and tell me whether it is going well or not?
 Why do people think they can tell me what age is ok to become engaged or get married or have children? (Because the conversation also had their opinions on this too)
 Why do people who hardly know me think it is ok at all to form their opinions on what they know so little about?

And most importantly, what has happened in their life to make them so bitter?

We all come from different walks of life. We all form our own story. Just because their story sees them married at 30+, that doesn't mean the rest of society should follow. Just because they might have had a relationship at 23 that didn't work out, doesn't mean mine will be the same.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being married after 30. Just like there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way in which my relationship goes. Whether I be engaged at 23 or 33; that is my story.

Do people try to weigh in on your relationship?
Do you ever get told not to worry because you are 'too young'?


  1. 'Everyone has a different story' - so true!

    I know several happily married (with and without children) couples who have been together since 16 and are now 30'ish. Ive been with my husband since 19, we all meet 'the one' at different times. Some of us a just lucky to do it early ;-)


  2. Oh u poor thing to have to endure that! People can be abit rude and narrowminded even if they mean well! Everybody has their own path. I met my husband young, got married after i grad from uni, gave up my scholarship, moved to australia n now we have 2 kids and im still only in my 20s. Lots of people told me i didnt know what i was doing etc etc. But sweetie u know it in your heart and sometimes u got to ignore and trust yourself! xx

    1. Sorry i mean im still only in my mid20s! My elder daughter is 6 and i have a 8mth old baby.

  3. Um How rude ??
    They have no right to push their negative experiences onto you !!

    Good on you for finding him early & being mature enough to work on making it a real relationship


  4. There is so much I could say to this!

    I don't think there is "too young" but I do think there is "too soon". I think you need to make sure you have done everything you want to as a single person (i.e. for me I wanted to live with friends and travel with friends), however what age you have accomplished that by varies. Everyone matures at different ages, so there are some 30 year olds that are nowhere near the 'marriage' stage and some 21 year olds who are ready.

    And as far as how long to date for? Oh gosh, it varies for everyone. Tell all the opinionated people to shush up as it really is very rude to voice such nasty opinions (fair enough to think them, but not to say them to you!), especially when they know little about your relationship.

  5. Well said Rhi!!

    Love that you're doing your own thing - live your life as YOU see fit darling! I have a friend who's 22 and engaged to be married this December and she's happier than I've ever seen her. People deserve to be happy/in love at whatever age. Period.

    If you were ten years younger and talking about marriage, I'd be worried. But you're a grown woman able to make her own grown decisions. Forget err'body!


  6. Bit late to the party with this, but I agree with everything you've said. Unless you're in the relationship you have no idea what it's like compared to other ones.

    As for assuming that Steve must have asshole moments, that would annoy me even more. They don't know him or what he's like.

    People are so annoying sometimes and really need to learn to just shut up when they have no real idea of what they're talking about.

    As for your first love and being young, people have seem to have opinions if they've made mistakes and learnt from them. Doesn't mean they get to tell you that you've made a mistake you just haven't learnt from yet.

    Gah I'm rambling cause I'm so annoyed.