To be married

I read a blog post recently on what it was like for that blogger to be married to her Husband.

 

While I’ve only been married for a few months, S and I have been together for a long time, so I feel like I can comment on what it’s like to know marriage and know my Husband.

 

Since we got married, S has worked a lot. By a lot, I mean that sometimes he isn’t home until I am in bed and he’s also had to work some weekends. For a while, I wondered if I’d ever have a normal marriage again where I got to see him every night…until I realised that there is no ‘normal’. This is a season we are going through. He works hard for the business he works for and we reap the rewards in the long run. Just because life is busy now, doesn’t mean it will be busy always. And so we learn to let life run its course while adapting and changing to accommodate, rather than fight against the changes.

 

And so, to know what it is to be married and be in a relationship with S.

 

- I know when the alarm goes off, he’ll still sleep in for another 10 minutes.
- I know that he loves good food just as much as me.
- I will watch the strange movies he picks because I know he enjoys them.
- To know that when he comes home from work, he’ll have a little yogurt to tie him over until dinner.
- To laugh at his jokes.
- To not be able to breathe from laughing at his jokes.
- To know that without his morning coffee, his mood will be down.
- To always take his coins.
- To know when I need encouragement, he will give it freely and honestly.
- To know when I need support, he is there.
- To have a fan that knows everything about me.
- To be a family. To share a home.
- To annoy him and know that he won’t snap.
- To chat all day long and still have stuff to talk about when we get home.

 

And so much more.

 

Being married to S is wonderful and I can't wait to see how the chapters in our life turn out.

How to plan a wedding in 80 days - choosing the venue

I think the hardest part in planning a wedding is definitely where you will hold the ceremony and reception. Everything else is relatively easy to put together once you have knocked out the biggest parts of the day.

Since we’d already chosen the Empire in Annandale as our ‘engagement party’ venue, that was one less thing to stress about. We never told them it was actually a ‘surprise reception’ as there was no need for them to know. If you are willing to have a low key party, then I would suggest looking around at local hotels/pubs that have nice décor and a spot you can book out to host your guests. We had already opted to have meat and cheese boards as a starter for our food, followed by pizza. On top of that, we had a bar tab running and we provided house wines and tap beers. The Empire has a really great selection of craft beers on tap, so our guests were spoiled for choice.

There were a few people that went up to the bar for some tastings and I thought that was really cool. Our celebrant said she has done a couple of weddings in pubs before where the space is able to be rented exclusively. If we had been able to rent the pub exclusively, we’d probably have done our ceremony there, but we couldn’t since part of the room we were in was open to the public. I know there’s a few places you can rent exclusively, it just takes some looking. I have included a few options below for some Sydney venues that you can rent as function space. Bear in mind that a lot of places have a minimum spend. The Empire had a minimum spend if you held a function after 5pm, but since ours was a lunch time function, we bypassed that requirement.

Our ceremony was originally planned for a park near-by us, but when the renovations on the oval weren’t done this was no longer an option. An ugly brown fence in my pictures wasn’t ideal, so we went to plan B – our backyard. We live in a terrace and the back yard had plenty of room to accommodate our immediate family. The down fall was the rain that we had the week before the week of the wedding (are you following, ha?). The week of the wedding was sunny every day, but the sun didn’t hit the right spots in the yard to dry the mud that had accumulated. One night, Steve, D and I were standing out the back looking at the spot we would have stood and we decided it was a lost cause and we moved to plan C – our dining room.

I remember standing in the dining room feeling a little defeated and wondering how on earth we’d make the place look ‘weddingy’ and how we’d fit 20 people. After moving a few things around and getting a bit more of a visual, it all started to come together. All we needed to do was move the dining table out in to the lounge room and decorate the room with flowers etc.

 And that was that. We had planned our ceremony and 'surprise reception' with minimal fuss. This was all done on a budget too. Not because I couldn't afford a big wedding, but because I am selfish and would rather spend that money on myself. Is anyone interested in a break down of costs? I won't be doing exact costs but ballpark figures..

The Winery , Surry Hills. Group menus start from $55 per person and there are various sized spaces that can be booked out for functions.

The Empire, Annandale. More of a pub/hotel style venue with beautiful decor. There are a few different spaces that can be booked to suit your purpose. Food can be booked from a canapé menu or you can order a la carte meals for guests.

The Passage, Darlinghurst. There is a $40 pp group menu with various sized spaces that can be booked for 10 - 135 guests. 

The Three Weeds, Rozelle. Again, various spaces that can be booked. A large pub with great food. You do have to pay room hire but the charge isn't too expensive.

Honeymoon day trip

The week after the wedding we pretty much went straight back to work, but no-one was robbing me of my 'honeymoon week'. I think that week we had take out every night. The Monday following the wedding we tried to go to Centennial vineyard only to find it closed, so we trekked back down to the Southern Highlands the following Sunday to get my long awaited lunch from Centennial Vineyard. 

I last went there in October 2013 on our way home from a weekend at the coast.  This time, dressed a bit nicer and without matted hair, we went to celebrate the recent nuptials. It was a freezing day. As we drove away from the city, I watched the temperature drop from about 15 degrees celcius to a very cool 7 degrees. Lucky for us, we were seated inside near the beautiful big fire, such a luxury!

I had soufflé on my mind from the moment I planned the trip to the Southern Highlands because I'd had it the previous time and loved it. As with most restaurants, the menu changes with the season and the menu now had a pumpkin and sage soufflé, so that's what I ordered. It definitely wasn't as good as the four cheese soufflé I had the previous time, but it was still really delicious. I never say no to dessert, especially when celebrating, so we ordered dessert and moved over by the fire with our sweets and coffee in hand. 

Rather than waste the long drive down to the Southern Highland, we decided to make the most of the afternoon and go for a little drive. I remembered as a kid I had gone to a little ghost town called Joadja and had seen signs pointing in that direction earlier so we followed them to see what we could find. First stop was Joadja winery. It seemed like a small winery, though I didn't do much exploring. We tried the port and decided to get a bottle then headed down the road towards the ghost town to see if we would get in. Unfortunately it had closed before we got there, so we'll have to make another day trip soon to have a look.

One thing I love about the Southern Highlands is the scenery. Wherever you look there are rolling hills, livestock, beautiful big houses and great open roads. We were driving past a particularly pretty section of the road when S decided we would get a family portrait on the side of the road. That seemed like a great idea until I realised by then it was 4 degrees out, with windchill probably in the negatives. We persevered, got a few photos and jumped back in the car to warm up and head home.

This is not the only 'honeymoon' we will do. We've got a couple of holiday ideas up our sleeves for when we can both get time off work.

 

I love the Southern Highlands and the nice slow pace down there. Have you been recently?

Wedding part four- the 'engagement party'

Our Engagement party was set to be held at the Empire Hotel in Annandale and subsequently became the venue for our 'surprise reception'. The Empire has a few different spaces that can be rented and we went with the French Quarter section for the decor and comfy arm chairs. We chose to have cheese and meat platters as well as gourmet pizzas (they really are good!) as our food and it didn't disappoint. There was so much food and when they started clearing at around 6pm there was still plenty left. We had a bar tab with house wine and tap beer which turned out to be really good because The Empire has a lot of good craft beers on tap. A few people went to the bar for some beer tasting which was pretty cool to see at a 'wedding'. 

It was here we told about 40 of ours guests that we were actually married and they weren't really at an engagement party. The responses were really great. I expected a few people to get upset, maybe a tantrum here or there but there was none of that. Just smiles, a few cheers' and then drinks...of course. I spent most of my time mingling, sitting down to rest, eating and repeat. Weddings are exhausting and this was no different even though it was a small wedding. I only had 60 guests and there were plenty I didn't get a chance to have a good chat with. Lucky for me, they were understanding and everyone had a good time anyway. 

Since we were all quite spread out, there wasn't much scope for us to get in to speeches, so at the end of the night when there were about 10 of us left, I pulled my speech out. I'm pretty shy when I speak in front of people, so to calm the nerves we decided to do a speech circle where each person said a little speech to congratulate us etc. This was probably one of my favourite parts of the day. The words spoken by my friends are ones I will remember forever as they were so sweet and touching. 

And that concludes the wedding posts! Yay, I'm married!

Wedding part two - the morning and ceremony

None of us got much sleep the night before and at 3:30am Steve and I sat up to talk, with his sister coming to our room shortly after. They decided to walk the streets of the city while I slept a little longer and I woke around 6am full of nerves. Around 6:30am, the boys headed home and us girls started to shower and get ready. I did my own hair and makeup, so I started to put some loose curls in my hair (they didn't last long!) and did makeup throughout that process.

Us girls were ready around 9am and caught a cab home to finish the house preparation. Half an hour later, my family arrived (an hour early), so we had to send them to the cafe nearby as the house had too many people frantically working to get it all together and more people in the way was too much. By this time I was getting really overwhelmed and was tearing up every so often. Our celebrant arrived at about 10am and I went out to greet her and have a little cry. She was awesome and helped calm my nerves. I couldn't even tell her why I was crying as I had no idea and she said it's just overwhelming and an emotional day which was very true. We got everything sorted, the house looked great and it was time to put my dress on. 

I went upstairs with K and Mum (Mum took our photos) and put on my dress which Steve hadn't seen and deliberated over whether to go down and show everyone now or wait until 11. Since it was only 10:45am and I hadn't introduced our parents yet, I decided to go downstairs. Well, everyone was waiting in the dining room and all eyes were on me..I almost ran from the room as I hate people looking at me but since I was about to have them watch me get married I just stood there awkwardly smiling.

It was about this time someone brought me over a shot of vodka and I threw that back in the hope it would settle any nerves I had. I didn't walk down an aisle, so Dad and I came in from another room together so he could walk me through a door and I stood next to Steve and tears started to fall again. Obviously no bride wants photos of herself crying, so I pulled myself together and we got on with it. 

Our celebrant was amazing. Honestly, I haven't been to a better wedding (if I do say so myself). Our ceremony was a story of the past 7 years of us and it had people laughing, crying and smiling the whole way through. It was just perfect. I read a little poem to my Dad and looked over and noticed him welling up with tears, so of course the tears started for me again. By the end of the ceremony though, I was all smiles with no smeared makeup. When the time came to 'kiss the bride' we tried to high five but we hadn't rehearsed that one obviously because I almost smacked Steve in the face. Second try was a winner, we kissed and we were Husband and Wife!

We had a small morning tea at home while we signed the certificates and then headed to a park for photos before Steve and I headed off for a couple of shots of just us. We literally had 15 minutes to get pictures of us and Mum did such a great job during that time. I told her I didn't want awkward posed shots and all the photos she took look natural and really good. 

I really loved this part of the day with just our family and close friends there. It was so special and romantic and everything I've ever dreamed of for a ceremony. As I said, I hate people looking at me and even with just the people closest to me watching on, I went bright red. 

I also have to add in here that L was a trooper through the whole ceremony. He was still sick (not vomiting), but made it to watch us get married. Good on you, L!

Our original plan of having the ceremony in a nearby park flopped as there were works being done there. The back up plan was the backyard, but that also flopped since it had rained the week before and made it muddy.. we don't get much sun in the yard in Winter so it didn't dry. I think we did a good job of doing up our tiny dining room. It didn't seem like people were too squished in and that is also owed to the fact that we had only immediate family there anyway. 

Wedding part one - the day before

The Thursday before our Saturday wedding, I took the day off work thinking I wouldn’t have much to do all day. I was wrong, of course. I cleaned, went to buy stuff, made stuff and the list went on. By the time Steve got home at 7pm (he couldn’t take any time off – busy time at work), I was still in the same clothes as when he left at 8am and I was still going. I called it a day, showered, had dinner and then had an early night ready for the next huge day.

At 5am on Friday morning, my alarm went off letting me know it was time to get up for the flower markets. Honestly, I was SO excited for the flower markets, so getting up was no problem. My sister in law, D and I got ready as quietly as we could, jumped on the road and realised the markets were only about 15 minutes down the road in the quiet morning traffic.

The flower markets lived up to my expectations in every way possible. Of course, it's overwhelming, but when that's pushed aside we set off to find what we needed. I was going for vibrant, berry colours which quickly turned in to vibrant natives with some other flowers thrown in to tie it all together and some baby’s breath because what bride doesn't have baby's breath?

Look, I know the flower markets are cheap, but I didn’t know they would be THAT cheap. I got all my flowers for $80. Yes, $80.

I pottered through all the stores selling natives looking at all the loose flowers thinking ‘I have no idea how to put these together’. I went back to the first store I’d found selling natives and was standing there pondering what to buy when I looked down and noticed they were selling bouquets. Already made, ready to go, ready for me to walk down the metaphorical aisle with. I picked up one, then 2 more thinking I could find some use for them and was expecting a hefty price tag because they were just so beautiful. Well..wrong again, Rhiannon. $30 for three bouquets!

After we’d amassed a collection of beautiful blooms, we set them in the car so we could go over to the little Italian café for breakfast. If you go to the flower market, you actually can’t miss going to this place. It’s like flower heaven followed by café heaven. D and I were going to have a Nutella and banana scroll each until the guy told us we wouldn’t finish it. We tried to convince him otherwise to no avail, so we shared. Well, yeah he was right. I was stuffed after my half, but that certainly didn’t stop us from getting another pastry to share at home later on. Obviously I was watching my figure for my impending nuptials.

We were home by 8am, in time to show Steve the flowers before jetting off again to pick up my beautiful friend K and her partner, C from the airport. Poor C… he didn’t know what he had gotten himself in to when he agreed to help us.

The day was then spent arranging flowers and beautifying the house ahead of the ceremony the next day. At one point, D’s boyfriend, L came over (he was meant to hang out with the boys) and started vomiting and it was at that point I declared we were done and vacated to the 3 bedroom apartment I had booked for the girls that evening. We left L at home (poor guy) and asked him to make sure he sanitised to make sure no-one else got sick the next day. The original intention was for the boys to head back and stay at the house, but at 9pm when L said he was still sick I asked them to stay with us girls so I wouldn’t wake up to a vomiting groom.

The group of us at the apartment went back and forth between ordering take out or going out for dinner before deciding we’d go out and get Japanese. It was really nice to spend that time with friends the night before to keep our minds off the wedding. While it was a super relaxed wedding and hardly stressful, I think we both had some nerves and keeping our mind off it was key!  

The apartment we stayed in was the Meriton on the corner of Bathurst and Pitt street and we were up on the 41^st floor. The views were amazing and the apartment itself was so spacious. There was plenty of room for the 6 of us to hang out on the couches. It was the perfect way to spend an evening ahead of our big day!

How to plan a wedding in 80 days - the decision

When we chose to not have a big wedding, we weren’t even engaged yet. I don’t love planning, I didn’t want to spend a huge load of money on one day, nor did I think it was necessary and neither Steve nor I like being the centre of attention.

 

After we got engaged, I opened pinterest a few times and each time, within 10 minutes I had closed it again. I just wasn’t interested. I didn’t care about table arrangements, I didn’t care about flowers, I didn’t want to pick cars. None of it mattered. All I wanted to do was marry Steve.

We thought about eloping, we thought about having an intimate wedding with just immediate family...basically, we thought about all the options that would require little effort to plan. Time went on and none of those options felt right. How could we exclude our parents from this day? To me, marriage is a really romantic and personal thing and whilst I didn’t want to get married in front of hundreds of people, I did want my parents there at the very least.

A couple of weeks in to the engagement, it was clear there would be no wedding soon. We wanted to buy a house and travel and paying for a wedding didn’t factor in to that. Steve and I decided we would have an engagement party in a few months’ time so we could include all our friends and family with the intention that most wouldn’t be invited to the wedding. This was our party for everyone to celebrate us. It was simple, it was easy to plan and I didn’t even need to decorate the venue. We booked it in and went and had a meeting with the events planner at the venue who went through a list of things we hadn’t even thought of. Will you have a photobooth? Will you have a cake? Will you need balloons? I didn’t care for any of that. I just wanted some good food, a bar tab and some furniture to be re-arranged. The room we picked was beautiful and even if we chose to bring anything else, it would be lost in the décor.

Later on we decided to stay for dinner and as we ate I pondered out loud how it would be nice to have a low fuss wedding reception in a place like this. Steve thought for a bit and said ‘well, we can’. Huh, how? He then suggested that we just get married the morning of the engagement party and then let everyone know afterwards at our party. At that moment, a weight lifted off our shoulders. THIS was right and it felt right. It felt like us.

And so, we planned our small intimate, immediate family only wedding for just 106 days after we got engaged and about 80 days after we made the decision.

Married!

On Saturday, Steve and I got married in a little ceremony with just immediate family and a couple of close friends present. The wedding was before the engagement party which was really a 'surprise reception'. More to come...